FAFO Parenting
Raising Kids Who Learn Through Experience
Thoughts on Modern Parenting
The pendulum has swung hard toward shielding our kids from discomfort.
I get it: no one wants to see their child struggle.
But this well-meaning approach is backfiring. We’re raising a generation that second-guesses their ability to handle challenges.
That’s where FAFO (“F Around and Find Out”) parenting comes in. Simply put, it’s an approach that helps kids learn through natural consequences.
What Is FAFO Parenting?
FAFO parenting isn’t about punishment. It’s about stepping back and letting real-life do the teaching.
Instead of lecturing, over-explaining, or rushing in to fix everything, you let kids experience the natural consequences of their choices.
Examples:
Your kid refuses to wear a coat? They feel the cold. Maybe next time, they grab another layer.
They forget their homework? Instead of racing to school to bail them out, they deal with the consequences. A bad grade in 5th grade means nothing in the grand scheme of life. But learning accountability? That sticks.
They refuse dinner? That’s fine. Hunger has a way of teaching kids that food isn’t just an optional preference.
These small, everyday lessons build problem-solving skills, responsibility, and resilience.
Why FAFO Parenting Works
Too many parents fear letting their kids fail. But failure is where the best learning happens. When kids experience natural consequences, they:
1. Develop Real-World Problem-Solving Skills
Life is full of obstacles. Kids who never deal with the natural ups and downs grow into adults who crumble at the first sign of struggle. Instead of pushing through, they just find excuses.
2. Take Ownership of Their Decisions
Raising kids who take extreme ownership starts early. If they understand they play a role in every outcome, they’ll naturally focus on what they can control: themselves.
3. Build Resilience and Emotional Strength
Show your kids you believe in them by expecting them to handle life’s bumps in the road. Jumping in at the first sign of discomfort sends the message that they can’t handle it. But they can.
And they should.
Discomfort isn’t dangerous. Read that again. Discomfort isn’t dangerous.
In fact, it’s one of the best teachers they’ll ever have.
How to Apply FAFO Parenting
FAFO parenting isn’t about neglect. It’s about appropriately letting go.
Here’s how you can apply it:
1. Stop Over-Explaining
Instead of saying, “If you don’t wear your coat, you’ll be cold,” say nothing. Let them feel the chill.
Instead of reminding them to pack their ballet shoes? Let them forget. Sitting out practice is the lesson.
2. Let Them Experience Safe Struggles
Not every mistake should be prevented.
Some struggles are low-stakes but high-value. Go and get some of that value.
Homework? Let them deal with a bad grade.
Chores? Let them see what happens when their laundry piles up.
Spending all their birthday money at once? Let them be broke for a while.
3. Hold Firm When They Push Back
Kids will complain. They might cry. They might get mad.
That’s okay.
Your job is to stay calm and let them work through it.
Over time, they’ll rise to meet your expectations.
Because the truth is kids want:
clear rules
high expectations
consistency
When FAFO Parenting Doesn’t Apply
FAFO works best when consequences are natural, safe and reasonable.
However, there are times to step in, because sometimes common sense isn’t common.
When safety is at risk.
FAFO doesn’t apply to seatbelts, swimming without supervision, or running into traffic.
When the consequences are too severe.
You wouldn’t let a toddler FAFO with electrical outlets.
When the child is too young to connect actions to outcomes.
FAFO is most effective when kids can grasp cause and effect.
The FAFO Approach for 5 Common Parenting Struggles
Here’s how FAFO parenting can work in everyday situations:
Morning Routine Battles…Instead of nagging, let them be late. Their school’s tardy policy will teach the lesson for you.
Screen Time Limits…Let them binge YouTube all day and experience the exhaustion. Then talk about balance.
Sibling Conflicts…Stop solving every fight. Let them work it out, or deal with the consequences of not cooperating.
Forgetfulness & Responsibility…If they don’t pack their gear, they miss practice. No rescue missions.
Homework & Schoolwork…If they don’t study, they deal with a bad grade. Simple as that.
Final Thought
FAFO parenting isn’t about being harsh. It’s about preparing kids for real life. By allowing them to experience real-world consequences, you’re setting them up for success, not struggle.
You got this.
Cheers,
Will
Will- Next time my kids ask me the reasoning behind my punishment, I might just quote you on this and go: “Listen kids, it’s all just FAFO parenting.” 😂 Love it!